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According to game theory, there are 5 components to a game: goals, objectives, or intentions; rules, instructions, or parameters; interaction; challenge; outcomes & feedback. ⁣

Y'all already know that as a staunch Aquarian Slytherin, I love strategy, gamificatation, & anything that creates more fun, freedom & exploration. Strategy is a beautiful thing when paired with transparency & good intentions.⁣

But I've been hesitant to employ too much game lingo when it comes to dating & relationships because this kind of language is all rather fraught with bullshit - "she's playing games with you," or "he's a player." "Gamey" language can also be all too reminiscent of the pickup artist craze, which capitalize on manipulative strategies & unfortunately have been some of the only available resources and spaces for men to develop dating skills. Until recently 😁. ⁣

I've also been hesitant to use gamey verbiage because I don't want to trivialize the dating process - the rawness of it, the vulnerability, the transcendence, the depth, & the devastating realness of the kind of heartbreak that makes you feel like there's not even a universe in which you'll be ok again (I've been there. You will be ok again.). ⁣

But games can also be marvelous. And, as a staunch Aquarian Slytherin, I'm all for working with what works. And making it fun. ⁣

Gamifying your own growth works. And it's fun. It works because it's fun. ⁣

So let's say, for the purposes of this post, that we are all playing our own game in life & in love. ⁣

You have your own intentions & objectives, based on what you value. ⁣

You have your own parameters, based on your standards & boundaries. ⁣

You are proactive about creating your own interactions & opportunities. ⁣

You are skilled at discerning your own challenges, & finding creative solutions to them. ⁣

And you have crystalized your own metrics, quantifiable or not, for outcome & feedback. ⁣

Assuming this is true, WHY ON EARTH would you keep playing someone else's game instead of your own??⁣

Why on earth would you follow the actions, make the decisions, & mimic the behaviors of someone who doesn't want the same things as you?? Why on earth would you date in such a way that doesn't even result in the relationships you want?? Because it's the status quo? Because "that's just how it's done"? Because someone else told you to?? Are you really that complacent?

I don't think so.

A question I ask clients is: how did you learn to date & be in relationships?

The answer is almost always that they learned how to do relationships based on observing the models they saw around them, & based on what other people told them growing up.

Just as often, their answer when I ask if these were relationships they've modeled their approach after were actually relationships they'd want to be in is a resounding "HELL NA." Enough with this unconsciousness, my friends. Find your own models. PLAY YOUR OWN GODDAMN GAME.

This is how you attract someone who is playing an adjacent game & who has complimentary intentions, values, desires, etc. This is how you start to collaboratively and cooperatively design a game together, with shared intentions, built on shared values, as a team.

This is how you win at your own game. #winning.

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